Today was a hard day. Not just as a parent and for the kids, but a hard day for us, just as people, trying to get all of the paperwork to get home.
We had to go to the embassy today. Our cab was supposed to come at 9:30. It pulled up at 9:52. We went downstairs at 9:30, Aaron waited out in the snow while I stood with the two kids in a very dirty staircase. Of course, Lena tripped and fell over into a pile of sludge just as Aaron came to tell us that the cab was there.
The embassy, ugh. I had paperwork to finishing filling out. Blanks that I wasn't sure how to fill in. Aaron took the kids to play. So, I wrote the same information a dozen more times and gave it all back to her, paid a ridiculous amount of money and then she asked me what proof we had of our healthcare and that it would cover the children's needs, because of their special needs. First of all, this is not something that we have ever been told we'd need. Not by Reece's Rainbow, not by the embassy. Why? Because's it's absurd... really just discrimination. She gave me a paper, which was clearly written for the embassy staff and clearly not even intended for immigration as an adopted child. She told me proof of sufficient income and showing them our insurance card are not enough. My blood was boiling, but I went to get Aaron and the kids. And we went to the clinic for their medical exams. Uneventful, boring even, but there was another American family there who we talked to for awhile. Such a sweet family, and they have a heart for older boys. The boy they're adopting is 15! They implied that they too left their hearts in the orphanage, all three of them-- mother, father and 10 year old bio son.
We did find out approximately what the kids weigh. They were weighed with all of their winter gear on and Lena was about 25lbs and Ilya about 37lbs. You have to subtract a couple of pounds for the coats, hats, boots, gloves, etc.
I got home and started emailing about our embassy situation. There are some really wonderful, helpful people out there. People with connections who just want to see children come home. I love these people who dedicate lots of time and energy to helping people like us-- tired and nervous in a foreign country. It sounds like the embassy fiasco will be taken care of. We did contact our insurance and Aaron's employer about getting this letter. That will be done. If that won't do the trick, more strings are being pulled by those lovely people I mentioned above. If you want more details about our embassy situation, if you are a family traveling soon, please contact me privately.
Both of the kids had hard days. I think they were tired. Ilya threw several fits today over weird things, like being asked to sit in his seat during lunch. Lena throws fits over more reasonable things, but she is very difficult to calm down. It seems like she needs to cry for 20 minutes before she will be okay. It is an encouragement to hear that this is a normal 3 year old thing... fits over nothing. I think I usually think of it as an effect of being in an orphanage because many of the fits are over things that most kids would not care about. Over food and sharing toys, and sometimes just when one of us wants to sit next to them. They think we'll take their toy away.
Lena's bedtime is really hard still. She seemed to be getting better the last few days... a little shorter and a little less fighting. Tonight was the worst night. I was actually kind of impressed by how hard she fought it... really, really fought it. We started signing with them today and what she always does is tries to get out of bed, and go out to where Aaron and Ilya are. She yells a combination of words, things I don't understand, but sometimes yells "papa" "mama". Tonight I signed and said "mama is here". I am not sure that it helps her now, but I think it will eventually. Lena is definitely picking up the signing too. I am using them as much as I can remember, just so they begin to learn them. She has shown me "please" and "eat" so far. Eat was completely out of the blue. Aaron got oranges out and she wanted another one so she signed "eat" to him!
I have some new videos, but honestly, I am just EXHAUSTED and feeling too lazy to post them.
I´ll be praying for you. That embassy lady sounds rude for demanding such papers when it´s never been asked for before but hopefully everything will go well. Fits seem to be such a natural part of being a kid, my cousin who´s 5 once threw a terrible fit when I wouldn´t turn her lamp on when she was going to bed (and the fit was long and exhausting :)). The kids will definitely adjust toyou in no time and their behavior will get better, but it sounds like you´re handling it amazingly well!
ReplyDeleteThose fits are totally normal, especially for three year olds (although my 21 month old is an expert). You should read The Scientist In the Crib. It describes living with a three year old as "living in a twelve hour production of Tosca".
ReplyDeleteAs the mom to 7 kids (the youngest is 11) I would say having fits are normal. My kids were not raised in the same enviroment as yours and yet they still would throw fits over who got/gets to sit by mom or dad, wanting to keep "their" toys, food, bedtime, and the list seems to never end.
ReplyDeleteAlthough now they are older and the fits are not nearly as bad or rather I should say they are more vocal and able to express their anger, upset, and frustration so the fit throwing has changed to "Mom I have to talk to you right now or It's not fair!"
So I just contacted a friend with experience in immigration/visa issues and disability. Here are the ideas she suggested if problems continue:
ReplyDelete-Contact your senator, call the constituent services office in Kansas first, not the DC office. Apparently they can pull a surprising number of strings.
-Call the State Dept. and ask to talk to Judy Heuman. Nice lady, she's the special adviser on disability rights to the State Dept.
-Call USICD and ask to talk to David Morris. He probably can't help, but he may have ideas of who can. Mention that Day al-Mohamed gave you his name (same for if you need to talk to Judy).
Hopefully you won't need this stuff, but now you have it if you do. :) Let me know if more issues arise, I can get more information if necessary.
Oh Molly you are going through SO much right now. I wish I knew something that would make you feel better! Parenting these ages is hard enough without the legal problems, language differences, homesickness, and time changes...and you are all getting used to each other and you are getting used to being Mom. It is scary becoming Mom!! You are doing such a fantastic job and I wish I could reach right through the computer and really let you know that. You are such a loving mom. Thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Just wanted to add my 3 year old has tantrums over the most random thing like, he's all done with his food and gets up from the table and I give it to his brother and he screams for me to take it from his brother's mouth and put it back on the plate. Or he has a meltdown because I didn't wipe the bubbles off him the right way with the towel when he gets out of the bath. When you get home and things are on a predictable schedule things will be much smoother. Keep strong Mama!
ReplyDeleteMolly, you're not lazy. You're tired. And you have every right to not post the videos. We are all happy with a text post. We know when you have more time (and more sleep), you'll post the videos. :) Keep up the good (hard) work Mama! You're doing great!
ReplyDelete